July 17, Friday, 2009

Well, boring day.  Went to work in a shit mood, ended in a better one. Still can’t figure E_____ out; would like to get physical again with her real soon–beyond that, god only knows. People are strange.  I’m lonely, as such I’m acting and thinking strange thoughts.  I ate the last 10 vicodins I had tonight, and for the next 2 weeks I have to hustle.  I will be fighting the “sickness”; shit, I should be okay if a little bit bored.  J_____is being nicer; his lady is around, and she has a good effect on him.  I need another job, and I want a girlfriend like CRAZY!  I think I may even hit on some of the younger girls around just for something to do.  I really need to get back in touch with Jesus, let Him guide my way.  It’s so hard now, distracted by only my own sin.  That’s it for tonight.  Hopefully, something more profound happens tomorrow.

Intake: 85 mg hydroco, 12.5 mg diazepam

(So that you don’t get lost in the blanked out names, and this will become important, J______ here is Matt’s landlord/roommate.  The picture above is his room. Matt never really connected with this guy for some reason. A territory thing I think. The guy didn’t really want a roommate but needed the money, so Matt was sort of the step-child from an affair with money. Matt rented a room from him, right close to the train tracks, in a big, old, bachelor type house–floor levels didn’t match from room to room, odd transitions from one room through a bedroom , to another sort of set-up, and it had lots of strange colors for walls. But, the price was right for Matt, and he was put in a corner to get a place as he had burned through a couple already in the year that he had been there and, well, others just fell through due to his police record. I’m pretty sure every single, last, time I spoke with Matt, he hated living with this roommate. I labor this as the living situation made Matt want out of Oshkosh desperately, and J_____ is also the name of his dealer, who he hung out with the next day. Matt’s mom.)

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