October 28, Wednesday 2009 rated 5 (Want to strive for more, more, more)

Today was all right.  I got paid ($455), my biggest check ever from the restaurant.  Sad part is that it’s already gone to food and bills!!  I bought my vikes out, $36, and that’s the extent of the money I’ll be spending on drugs for the next 2 weeks—good for me.

I got pretty f**ked up today.  Smoked with Pat and ate some vikes; later Athena came over and we got really ripped.  Ate some more vikes, went shopping for food, an average day.

Even though I was getting high and spending time with friends, I noticed that I had the most depressed feeling though.  I thought this was strange.  I think that very slowly my mind and subconscious is turning against this lifestyle I’ve been living.  I need to move on to greater things.  I must make a complete change.

It’s important, I think, not to become content with my progress and instead continue to strive for more, more, more.  I’ve been seeing light at the end of the tunnel lately, even though I sometimes wonder if I possess the strength to reach it. One day, God willing, one fine day….

Intake: 60 m hydroco, oral. smoked A LOT. 2 beers

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